Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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