I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
