He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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