how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
