i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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