Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
