hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize