I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
