I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
