I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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