I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
