I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
