When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
