is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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