She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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