Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
