The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
