Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
