Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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