I just made out with a guy for $7.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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