I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
