if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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