the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
