omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
