remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
