in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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