wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
