we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
