Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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