Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
