I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
did i walk over a car last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize