We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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