do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
