We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
