I wanna bring you to show and tell
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
