I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
