I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
