Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My ass is underappreciated
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
