You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
