i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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