dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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