it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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