I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
