There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
