You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
