I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
