I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
