I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
