I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
