smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
