That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
is it fun? or sober?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
