Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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