I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
