dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
