I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
