Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
