I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
