Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
