I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
