She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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