Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the day after is always just damage control
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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