you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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