there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
