??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
