dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
