Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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