There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize