The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
