Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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